Between a Rock and a Hard Place
The spark
Two cars were on the road and one of the drivers was acting like a bit of a jerk. The other driver had little patience for the annoying driver and within a few minutes, acted out and physically assaulted the driver, and then verbally assaulted the driver.
Easy to understand
Most people can relate to being impatient around an idiot, or someone who says or does something inconsiderate or stupid.
Most people can understand how those stupid comments or actions could have triggered a reaction.
But most people have a sense of self-control to tamp down on acting out. They may think about how they want to punch the guy’s lights out, but few would actually take the action. Most people have a sense of self-control, an awareness about how to conduct themselves.
The Assault
So, why did someone who had a reputation for being easy-going and open, hear someone make a crack about his wife’s hairstyle and react by physically and verbally assaulting the guy? In front of hundreds, if not thousands of people in the same room, and literally a world of people watching?
Last night, Will Smith heard Chris Rock joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith’s shaved head. He got up from his chair in the audience, walked on the stage and hit Chris in the mouth before cursing at him — twice. On live tv that was broadcast around the world — and on every social media outlet afterwards, because, hey, a Big Star lost his cool and assaulted another Big Star.
Not Ok
Have you ever watched court shows on TV? Have you ever heard the judge tell a plaintiff or defendant that their lack of self-control is a tell about how they conduct themselves? If they can’t control themselves in the courtroom, in front of the judge, courtroom attendees and millions of TV viewers, what are the chances they had self-control when they engaged with the opposing side of the lawsuit?
I’ve always appreciated Will Smith’s body of work and demeanor when interviewed. I thought he was an alright guy. I know he’s in a cutthroat industry. I know that he has had marital issues. I know he hasn’t hidden this away — but I am beginning to wonder just how much to which we were privy. And its not my business, except now, someone that I respected has reduced himself to a person who showed a complete lack of self-control when he physically and verbally assaulted another person in the view of millions of people.
No Free Pass
It doesn’t matter what good Will Smith has done. Or the body of work that he produced that brought joy to millions. Those are not in question. If the guy in the car was a stand-up guy, a neighborhood favorite, and he beat the annoying driver, would it be ok? No.
And it’s not ok if Will Smith acted without thinking because he didn’t stop after the punch to the face. He didn’t stop after he cursed at Chris Rock from his chair. Or when he repeated it, enunciating every syllable as he screamed it a second time.
Chris Rock thought he was being funny. Let’s say there was no humor in what he said at all. Let’s say he’s the biggest jerk in the room. It still doesn’t give Will Smith a free pass to assault him.
Our Goal
Whatever happened to filtering our actions? Is it a sign of the times or a shift in our culture?
Really, whatever it is, our future is dependent on collaboration and coexistence. Not every driver is going to act the way we want him to and not every Big Star is going to say or do the best thing.
But our highest priority must be to forge past those experiences instead of reducing ourselves and our culture to retaliatory fury.
